Overthunk

Your failed dreams and past mistakes Your failed marriage/s Your lack of closure on what you wanted in the past Your belief that anyone my age who's childless and never been married is crazy (instead of selective or just a victim of bad romantic luck or dedication to a career and ideals) Someone dying that you loved Your wanting something you can't have Your lack of financial stability or friends or travel or knowledge of anything beyond your immediate situation Your unfinished personal business Your desire for someone out of your league or under the legal drinking age Your inability to see the truth about yourself or undertand art or others Your narcissism, dullness, utter lack of a sense of humor or character Your emotional unavailability, dishonesty or misrepresentation Your erectile dysfunction or midlife crisis Your desire to dwell continually in the past, musically, emotionally, or otherwise Your inability to tolerate intense emotions, honesty, reality, rea...

If you would destroy the evidence, Twittercide, posthaste. Hell hath no fury like the deluded Tumblr posts of a woman being willingly lied to. That awkward moment when you post 1,000 Tumblr pics of airbrushed models doing all the sex acts you and I have done in real life, to impress someone who is too far away to touch you on a regular basis. Love? You're just an actor. He's writing the script. The paycheck? Hoping you'll provide the confidence and worth he hasn't provided for himself. For you? Pro bono, baby. Wisdom is a long time in coming (at least six months, hundreds of texts, hours on the phone and together in person). Note to self: Fun is not love. Fun is just fun, even if it is pretty intense, and repeated, and other people seem to think it is love, and you do. It is just fun, even if the other participant in the fun says, "I love you" while looking you right in the eyes, in your own bed, after hours of touching, kissing, and laughing together, ...

Alright, I know primarily entertainment-oriented, free internet dating sites don't stand alongside Harvard and Yale as strongholds of hard-hitting, accurate, valid research, but a few weeks back OkCupid, that fun repository of all sorts of personal information that I hope they aren't selling to The Man for parts, had an ad running: "Don't Date a Tweeter!" Being a member of this much-maligned collective, I found my short-lived attention piqued. Why, pray tell?  Well, as it happens, according to this article : "Just as with their 140-character musings, Twitter users seem to end up in relationships that are bite-size. 'Twitter users have shorter relationships,' says Christian Rudder, the site's cofounder and editorial director. 'How much shorter? Maybe not a lot... but the difference is measurable and consistent.' " So, let's take a quick look at this with a sampling of nice, round ages. Approximating as close to exactly as poss...

Sometimes, I entertain random messaging on the interwebs. Sure, I know it's foolish but I sometimes do. I think it has something to do with ongoing research about what percentage of the human race has anything interesting to say. By current estimates, data approaches approximately 1.2%. And you, of course. The other night I was bantering boringly with some random jackass. The conversation wasn't moving along very swimmingly at all. He kept quizzing me about general life info: what do I do, kids, family, hobbies, sorry your parents are dead, blah, blah, etc. Then after about 40 drawn out moments, in which I was giving halfass answers and chatting with two other (interesting) people, reading Wikipedia or some such at the same time, he says, "So do you want to be my gf?" Hmm. GF. Garden Funder? Grappling Fondue? Gargoyle Foot? He also refused to send any pics at first, asking, "Is my appearance all that important to you?" and then when he did, it looked like he...

I wink you or you wink me we trade some stupid pleasantry we choose some place at which to dine sip bucking stars or glug some wine then at this dump we laugh and smile words flit and jump fling pearls to swine and swiftly then like some black hex you disappoint i holler, "Next!"

But apparently, I'm a Great Catch You scored 50% bitchiness, 70% sexual drive, 55% cleanliness, and 60% self confidence! You are a fantastically great catch. You are nice enough, confident, clean and super-sexy. Lots of people want to get their hands on you so the hard part about being you is trying to choose a partner worthy enough for you. The What Kind of Lover are You? Test written by steeni on Ok Cupid

OK, I admit it. I'm a tired-of-being-so-damn-single computer geek, so to meet men, I have a personal ad up. (Once you finish laughing, I can go on.) The ad's served its purpose on several occasions, but nothing's stuck yet. Anyway, on this ad, there's a counter to tell you how many times your ad has been viewed. And this weekend, * ~~~ ``` ~ ~~ * * * ** ^^ ~~~ I HIT 1000!!! *** ~~~ `` * ~~~ ``` ~ ~~ * * * Oddly, instead of being depressed about this scientific quantification of my rejection by the opposite sex, I kind of feel like dancing a little dance or having some cake or something. Maybe cause it means I am absolutely, undeniably unique and without parallel. ;) Or not. In any case, for now, arriba spinsterhood!

It never happens that I go on an amazing, fun date. But today I did. With a funny, gentlemanly cuddly bear of a fellow with a smartass sense of humor. We were walking along downtown, he picks something up off the ground, and hands it to me. "Wanna screw?" he says. In my hand, was in fact, a screw. :) Just a testament to the interesting nature of the universe...