Overthunk

I know, this trend is old news now, but its ridiculosity has not lessened. Do you want to say that this part of you is juicy? That may be a possibly serious medical problem, possibly related to ingestion of bad enchiladas. Why don't they get more descriptive with it? Like "Gassy" or "Pimply"? And hell, why doesn't the rest of the world besides fashionistas join in? These could appear in all parts of a department store: Menswear "Hairy" "Stanky" "Betta than Brad Pitt's" "Not an Entrance" "Bubble" Infants/Toddlers "Change This" "Caution: May Be Poopy" "Despite what I say, I should actually go potty" Plus Sizes "Got Back" "May Be Hot, May Not Depending on your Proclivities" The list is endless. I mean, if you're going to do a thing, don't do it half-assed! p.s. Go on, add your own!...

Catch phrases run the gamut from "kiss my grits" to "can you smell what the rock is cookin?" I like to make my own, though, and of late, my favorite has been "I hate __________." We live in a world that is uncomfortable with hate, and because it is forbidden, I guess, is why it's fun to say. I'm not all about the hatin' exactly. It's just whatever you're not supposed to do is fun to do. Forbidden words hold more power. Also, there's no thinking, just denouncing. You can't hate everything. People are too complicated to hate. If you start to hate one, and then think some more, you'll find something that wasn't so bad. And if you hate someone for being a hatemonger, then you're just as bad as they are, aren't you? So hate has to be more specific, like "I hate floral print shirts." "I hate when good sloths go bad." "I hate vocational training." "I hate Death by Chocolate type desse...

Hey, listen. I went all over the town, nay, THREE towns, looking for that wrinkle-concealing, chunky gold necklace that my mother wanted for her birthday. At Macy's, they only had a buncha tacky chunky bead strings and some wisp-thin silver chains, plus a store-brand marcasite encrusted $20.00 watch that I carried around for awhile, possibly arousing the suspicion of the security guards, before unceremoniously replacing it on the tiered table created specifically for Low-End Emergency Gift Jewelry at the finer department stores. So I went down to Nordstrom's and everything there was widely spaced and affluent enough that I felt white-trashy in just my black low cut shirt (revealing the pinkish, dwindling remains of a between-boob-blemish) and nondescript black shorts, but still I found nothing I deemed to her liking. Can I help it if on the way out of there I dropped in to Payless and found some 1 1/2 inch brown leather heels that fit and that were comfortable and coordinated w...