Overthunk

The origins of this unholy, calorie-laden concoction go back twenty years or more, to the kitchen of my aunt, where my cousin was inspired by the ghost of William Howard Taft or somebody to mix two incredibly rich substances: peanut butter and syrup. Whether anyone else does this, I don't know. Today's version was somewhat halfass in it's pantry-product indulgence, because rather than Skippy peanut butter and Griffin's Waffle Syrup , I had to use Simply Jif (reduced fat) and Karo, hardcore corn fructose confection of our grandmothers and a pillar of all true Texan pecan pies (which I didn't even like until this past year). Anyway, here's the recipe, if you and your pancreas can handle the deliciousness: 1. Purchase, then slam a can of cheapass white biscuits across the kitchen counter a few times until it pops, remove and bake according to the directions on the package (spend no more than 40 cents per can). 2. Put about 2 tablespoons of peanut butter into a bow...

Some of you may remember this gift from the gods of Foods That Should Not Be. Well, here's another. Sweet 'N' Sour Cupcakes 1. Prepare white cake mix, pour into cupcake cups (preferably of the rockin' stars variety, but I've only seen those at Christmas and have been saving them ever since), and bake. 2. Mix one packet of tropical punch flavored Kool Aid and about 1/4 cup sugar. 3. Sprinkle mixture over warm cupcakes and watch in amazement as it turns from a greyish powder to bright red, even though you know that's what's going to happen. 4. Serve to kids you know and await their accolades, which, I assure you, will be forthcoming. 5. Eat one yourself, with visible doubt. Like it and eat another. Amazing what a lack of icing can do to stimulate the imagination. I made these once before for the class just due to lack of materials, but this time they were clamoring for the oddness again. Try it! WARNING: Yes, of course it stains everything in sight. p.s. Yes,...

Seasons greetings, blogpadres! It's hard to believe it's been a year since my last post about cooking , but certainly it has. This year, instead of Candied Nuts, I decided to make Rum Balls. Though there may be some hidden symbolism in my two-years running choices of recipes that could be euphemisms for cajones , I choose to believe differently. That yellowed paper next to the plate is the recipe of old, typed on the ancient, black, 50-pound manual typewriter I was given by my grandmother as a kid. (Yes, even 25 years ago I was a writing, typing dork.) The recipe came from one of the neighbors on our street, who still lives there. And yes, my mom did make these and allow us to eat them as children. Who knows what current freakitudes (such as a simultaneous love of chocolate AND rum!) I can blame on this underage intake of hard liquor in candy form. This year, instead of rockin', I watched a DVD I found of the 1982 Leslie Nielsen series Police Squad , instead of egg nog, I w...

Brought to you from the State Fair of Texas is this concoction invented from materials on hand while sitting waiting for a sheep dog show to start. Fair Food Burritos 1 bag freshly spun cotton candy 1 paper cup slightly stale popcorn Peel off thin layers of cotton candy to create a candy "tortilla" in your hand. Sprinkle in a handful or so of popcorn inside the cotton candy tortilla. Fold "tortilla" together, adding extra strips of candy on the top or sides to seal it in. Stuff in mouth, making "mmm" sounds as you go. It's a crunchy, soft, sugary, salty slice of junk food genius. Enjoy!