Scald Pockets

Don't say you weren't warned: Lean Pockets can kill.
Well, ok, I don't know that for sure.
But they can give you SECOND DEGREE BURNS.
TO THE FACE.
How do I know, you may ask? Well, there I was, wolfing down an apple with the remaining 15 task-free minutes of my lunch while waiting for my main course to cook. Unbeknownst to me as I grabbed the barbecue-style Lean Pocket from the microwave, it had attained a temperature near that of molten magma.

Bites one and two did no harm. However, with bite three, I had just gotten too close to the hellish core. A searing strip of meat and barbecue sauce trailed out of the cocoon of crust and promptly stuck to my chin, sizzling flesh as it adhered. "Ow. OW!" I exclaimed, trying to brush it off. But it was too late.
Later I was stunned to discover that yes, there was in fact a BLISTER where the fiery meat had stuck. And now I am reminded daily of the potential danger of microwaved foods as I wait for a vertical, vaguely meat-strip-shaped slash of red to heal.

Be careful out there.

Comments

The Unseen One said…
OW!!! Hope you heal up soon. ;)

When I was in my early 20's, I lived off of lean pockets for about a year and a half. Then one day, my body just said "Hey, no more. You put any more of those in me, I'm going to hurt you." Now I can't even stand the smell of them.
7:24 AM
Julie said…
You are so right! That happened to me, but not as severe as you, the cheese kept coming out and burnt my hands and fingers and lips as I tried to contain it! What a hilarious post, roflmao!
6:18 PM
V said…
Thanks for your kind words. It may interest all to know that I am now fully recovered.

A week of burn cream and colloidal silver ointment does wonders for facial disfigurement.

Now I just need to find a miracle cure for fatness... :)
8:55 PM
Meadow said…
Girl, you are a riot!
6:55 PM
sweetpussay said…
that's why they said wait two minutes before eating..i know i don't wait..lol..but i do becareful
10:32 AM
V said…
Oh, but I have solved my problem, SP. I simply don't ingest Scald Pockets anymore.
2:29 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shredding, Slamming Fun

Image
Yeah, I'm closer to 40 than 14, but that doesn't mean I can't pretend to be in that band I always wanted to be in. And no, I can't play the guitar for real, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the tar out of this game. In fact, that's the whole POINT. The second version of this Playstation 2 diversion, called Guitar Hero as you can see here, just came out, but I'm too busy woodshedding on a borrowed version of the first one to care about that yet. At first, I sucked so thoroughly the game kicked me out of the song and the crowd booed. Yet now, I can successfully hit 80-96% of the notes on average of tunes ranging from Boston's "More Than A Feeling" to Audioslave's "Cochise." The cool thing is, songs you don't even like much and dismiss as crap, you get new respect for when you try to play them. You also learn how Nikki Sixx must have felt when his fingers and forearms ached from the amount of rockin' he was doing, but...
Read more

Very Sad News

Hi everyone, Because friends share in good things and bad and this is important to me, I thought you all might like to know. My mom, who had been battling many health problems, especially during the past few years, passed away Friday night. She was not a perfect person, but her love for me was. I figure if you want to know more, you'll ask. But if I don't seem quite myself for awhile, that's why. Thanks.
Read more

Two Years

Two years I've been writing this. Two years. Most of you and I have known each other for most of that span. Why is it so hard to believe, the constant flow of time? -------------------------------- Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems -- but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible. -- Salman Rushdie
Read more