Violent Fantasy Vengeance

Ever envision yourself just punching some cutoff driver in the head at a stoplight? Or, slamming rude grocery store women with a can of baked beans after they force you aside in the canned foods aisle? Yes, this is unbecoming and hardly appropriate in our age of fretting over a wrongly turned breath at one of another cultural persuasion. But the images flagrantly present themselves in my head, nonetheless.

The first time I recall it happening, I was maybe 16. Being a large mammal, I was walking down some street in Washington D.C. on a trip and some guy shouted something out about how I'd better move my fat ass out of the road, cause he didn't know how he was gonna miss it, or something. Anyway, I like rocks and I just happened to have a nice, smooth round granite rock in my hand, that probably weighed 5 pounds. Enough to brain someone with through the back window of a pickup truck, surely. As the truck slowly pulled past, I envisioned myself hurling it with Olympic precision through the back window of the truck. And the only thing that kept me from doing it is that I was far away from home, and it occurred to me: "I don't want to go to jail today." Oh, the wide crevasse between thought and action. It saves me daily.

Comments

The Unseen One said…
I can TOTALLY relate!!!
As a fellow large mammal (I think you stole that from me, actually, heh heh), I have encountered the occasional human vibrating butt plug of doom who feels the need to spew his verbal runny-turds in my direction. Lately, I've just taken to calling them the "C" word and daring them to action (the combination of knowing martial arts and this is a carry state, thus packing a .38 revolver, gives one a bit of confidence). No takers yet.

I've also always wanted to have very powerful high-beam lights mounted on the back of my car. That would stop night time tail-gaters... Even beter with a strobe effect... *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH*
11:23 AM
V said…
Yeah, another pal o mine said he once chunked a Biggie Sprite from Wendy's into the window of a new car with new leather seats for the offense of calling him fat. Nice one, I say to both of you! :)
9:57 PM
V said…
However, I cannot overlook the irony that fat people are getting revenge on thin people by throwing FOOD at them! ;) Now that is most amusing.
9:59 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Very Sad News

Hi everyone, Because friends share in good things and bad and this is important to me, I thought you all might like to know. My mom, who had been battling many health problems, especially during the past few years, passed away Friday night. She was not a perfect person, but her love for me was. I figure if you want to know more, you'll ask. But if I don't seem quite myself for awhile, that's why. Thanks.
Read more

The Sock Monkey Project

Image
Recently, due to Arctic Blast 2007 (i.e. a quarter-inch of sleet upon these Dallas roadways), a much-anticipated night of drinking, fooling around and Sopranos was nixed. Did I sulk? Well, hell yes, I did. And then I did some more. But after that, pouting began to bore me and I hit upon a mission: I was gonna make a goddamn sock monkey. Why the flip did this occur to me? Well, I'd talked it up for many years, seeing as how my grandmother gave me one when I was six or seven and it was subsequently so cherished and frequently hugged that the tail developed a hole at the end. As it turns out, my friends listen to me on occasion, so I was gifted with this kit at Christmastime this year. Though my original hosiery simian was far more tricked out than this one, with a red gingham dress and hat that had lace trim, this nostalgia-fueled, red felt vested ape would do nicely on a blustery, pissy winter's night . Besides, the original mon-chi-chi was lost. Generally speaking, I'm n
Read more

Two Years

Two years I've been writing this. Two years. Most of you and I have known each other for most of that span. Why is it so hard to believe, the constant flow of time? -------------------------------- Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems -- but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible. -- Salman Rushdie
Read more