Monday, June 09, 2008

A Trip to Big Lots

Recently, I visited Big Lots, the shoddier, seedier cousin of the sadly departed K-Mart and elephant graveyard where discontinued merchandise goes to die. There I found freakish goods hailing from a variety of lands, and each revoltingly unappetizing in its own diverse fashion. Here's a sampling:

Oysters in Cottonseed Oil -- because nothing piques one's culinary delight quite like grayish fish flesh tinned in industrial lubricant.

Lemon Extract -- With 20% Vaseline added to reduce viscosity

Del Monte DILL -- Far too pale and estranged from their state of origin to serve such a function, at least these DILLS know the value of education and plan to attend jr. college.

Nutrisystem Nourish -- Eat oxymoron dogs, on the cheap!

Maggi Delicias de Pollo -- Or as I affectionately call it, bagga chickin maggit stuff.

Arkona Herring Fillets - As Opus knows, a little paprika sauce makes herring "pop."

Jelly Mints -- Hated at Grandma's house since 1853.

Conclusion? Big Lots -- Repository of vomitously inedible foodstuffs.


Tiamat said...


Ari said...

Ty, Ty T!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Ah, the Big Twats. I love that store. But yes, they have some funky merchandise.

Violet said...

Uh... yeah... How grateful am I that I have the option NOT to have to shop exclusively at Big Lots...

Ari said...

LBB: Why that never occurred to me to call it, I do not know. They do have some good stuff mixed in amongst the squid bitz in strawberry sauce.

Violet: Yes, it is but one of many stores in town, but at least it's an adventure every time!

Heff said...

Dude, I won't even LOOK at products at Big Sluts, much less by food "products" there !

Add to Technorati Favorites