Sunday, February 24, 2008

Subnormals

for Charles Bukowski

At a "professional" "development" day
of exceeding boredom
I had a few moments of blessed solitude

I walked much farther away than required to relieve myself
Alone in the stall I huddled
Away from lines
In blessed quiet, I sat
Meditatively on the black enamel seat.

"HEY ROY!" some entering professional female cried
Her braying bouncing off the tile.

"IF YOU HEAR ME GO 'PHHHBBBFFPHHHTTT!!!' YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!
IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL KNOW I'M JUST PEEING!!!" she hollered to the "empty" bathroom.

At the same time as this, I, of necessity, blew my nose.

"OH MY GOD, ROY!" she went on. "THERE'S SOMEONE IN HERE AND THEY HEARD ME SAY THAT! I'M GOING IN ANYWAY!" she uttered, proceeding to the seat to make the aforementioned noises.

Outside, Roy, a forty-eight-something man clad in t-shirt and trucker hat, cornered me.

"How's it going?" he said, pushing against me with his subnormal energy field.

"All right," I said, and kept walking.

"Is your class as boring as ours?" he continued, extending a cloud of creepy, low-grade intimidation my way.

I continued walking, out of the cloud and into some rays of sunshine down the hall. "Just a few more hours," I reassured him, hustling out of this especially dense field of time/space.

I guess we're all subnormal sometimes.

Still.


--- Written June 22, 2006

5 comments:

Wigwam Jones said...

I'm not subnormal. I'm a subgenius. Ask anyone.

But seriously, great work there. And yes, it did remind me of Bukowski. Well done. And also, ew, creepy dude.

Ari said...

Thanks, Wiggy! I don't claim Bukowski's ability at ALL, but I do possess his fascination with the improper and sometime misanthropy, particularly when people are acting like a frat party is going on at a training session. Maybe they both brought flasks, I dunno.

random moments said...

Is that a novel entry? A real life incident? I enjoyed and wanted more.

Ari said...

RM: That actually happened, and believe it or not, it was at a teacher training session and not at a bar. If you want more (and FAR better), check out Bukowski. This is but a poor copy.

BrideOfPorkins said...

...I wonder if that woman and Roy go a lot of places together?

Great (although disturbing) story. (I love disturbing, though.)

And yay Buk!

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