Forty Minutes to GF

Sometimes, I entertain random messaging on the interwebs. Sure, I know it's foolish but I sometimes do. I think it has something to do with ongoing research about what percentage of the human race has anything interesting to say. By current estimates, data approaches approximately 1.2%. And you, of course.

The other night I was bantering boringly with some random jackass. The conversation wasn't moving along very swimmingly at all. He kept quizzing me about general life info: what do I do, kids, family, hobbies, sorry your parents are dead, blah, blah, etc.

Then after about 40 drawn out moments, in which I was giving halfass answers and chatting with two other (interesting) people, reading Wikipedia or some such at the same time, he says, "So do you want to be my gf?"

Hmm. GF. Garden Funder? Grappling Fondue? Gargoyle Foot?

He also refused to send any pics at first, asking, "Is my appearance all that important to you?" and then when he did, it looked like he'd haphazardly clipped 3 different shots from the Abercrombie catalog.

I am now befuddled. Should I be this man's Gesso Furnace?


There's always something to write about. If there's not then you need to live life more aggressively.
-- Min Kim, Better Blogging Brainstorming, SXSW 2006


random moments said…
Lol! Yes you should!

Grilled Fajita?
Great Friend?
Gooey froggy?
Gorilla face?

What a douche. He probably has other internet GFs so watch out!
I can see a torrid love affair starting before my very eyes!

What a wierd-o.
Ari said…
RM: Grilled fajita!!! Ja Ja Ja! ;)

LTMC: Torrid in the sense of Goofy Facemaker.
Amandarama said…
Oh god. Was it a chat room? I can't do those. Every two seconds some bot pushing porn seems to show up and makes trying to communicate with real people a major pain in the ass. Maybe I just visit the wrong chat rooms.

ps. If the guy can't actually write out the word "girlfriend" he probably lacks the commitment to be your "BF" (and by BF I mean "Belching Frankenstein", of course).
Azathoth100 said…
Beware the internet freaks Ari. Too many bad stories out there.
Ari said…
Amanda: Heavens, no! I don't frequent those places any more than I go selling myself down at the docks, since there's an equal chance of picking up something. I was just minding my own YIM business.

Aza: I beware everyone, Aza, believe that.
BrideOfPorkins said…
What a smoothie. I guess he can't format SGML without you. Unless he wanted you to be his nerve gas. THAT is love. Wow.
Camplin said…
If only you could bottle that irony, you would be rich. Be my gadfly.
Trevor Record said…
When I was young, maybe 13, there was a video game called Final Fantasy 8 which came out that used the term "GF" to mean "Guardian Force". When I got older by a few years, I would see people use the term "GF" instead of girlfriend. It always bothered me, I thought "hey, that's supposed to mean guardian force".
Steph said…
So did you make the hot cyber sex or what? :P
Ari said…
BoP: Definitely as smooth as, say, a Gravel Chunk Sundae...

Camplin: You made me go and look up "gadfly" -- 'tis a Good Fit for this situation.

Trevor: I'd have an easier time being someone's Guardian Force than being their girlfriend, I think.

Steph: Nah. This gadfly wasn't NEAR that interesting.
That's even scarier than the last scarist thing ever that came along not so long ago.
Ari said…
Mr. U: It was a bit!

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