Sunday, October 28, 2007

Shopping OCD in its Various Forms

I've been paring down the amount of makeup I carry around with me at all times.

Currently, I am at the following purse totals:
  • Three eyeliners -- brown-black, purple and blue
  • One mascara -- brown-black
  • Three lipsticks (including one that doesn't come off unless scrubbed)
  • One clear lip gloss
  • Concealer (although the one I have is old and I've already bought a new one)
AND, this is only what I carry around... I have two makeup cases full of brushes, nail polish, eye shadow, glittery dust and other stuff, not to mention the dozens of tubes and packets I have shoved away in drawers.

It's foolishness, I know. How much makeup can one person wear at a time?
(Well, woman I mean, as I'm sure drag queens can wear significantly more.)

I cannot really explain this other than feeling that I have to have a CHOICE.

I do the same thing with shoes. I have probably 30 pairs. And oddly, I have noted that $6.00 Chinese-made shoes from Dollar General can smell like gasoline (making me wonder if I should avoid lit matches or flung cigarette butts).

The span between me and a small furry forest animal squirrelling away its precious for the winter is immeasurably small at times.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Weirdass Recipe the Third














The origins of this unholy, calorie-laden concoction go back twenty years or more, to the kitchen of my aunt, where my cousin was inspired by the ghost of William Howard Taft or somebody to mix two incredibly rich substances: peanut butter and syrup. Whether anyone else does this, I don't know.

Today's version was somewhat halfass in it's pantry-product indulgence, because rather than Skippy peanut butter and Griffin's Waffle Syrup,
I had to use Simply Jif (reduced fat) and Karo, hardcore corn fructose confection of our grandmothers and a pillar of all true Texan pecan pies (which I didn't even like until this past year). Anyway, here's the recipe, if you and your pancreas can handle the deliciousness:

1. Purchase, then slam a can of cheapass white biscuits across the kitchen counter a few times until it pops, remove and bake according to the directions on the package (spend no more than 40 cents per can).
2. Put about 2 tablespoons of peanut butter into a bowl.
3. Drizzle syrup over the top of the blob of peanut butter until it runs down the sides of the blob and pools slightly in the bottom of the bowl.
4. Stir, stir, stir!
5. Taste, adding more syrup if needed. Ideally, the finished dressing? hors d'oeuvre? dipping sauce? will possess a glossy sheen.
6. For added culinary delight, pour yourself a frosty glass of milk. I prefer mine over ice.
7. Dip biscuits and eat, one delicious, supersweet bite at a time, as death draws nigh.

Thus have I relayed these instructions from antiquity as I witnessed them.
Go thou, and experience the white trashy goodness.

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dootdootdootdootdootdootdootdootdootdootdoot
dootdootdootdootdootdootdootdootdootdoot
-- "Cristalle", Paul Van Dyk
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