Sunday, July 29, 2007

What's Learnt in the Cradle


Release date: August 15th, 1984.

My purchase date: 1985, probably.

I still know all the lyrics.

p.s. I'm waiting to get all the desert pix to post along with my desert tales. When those are all available, I'll reveal the secrets of the Texas mountains.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Into the Desert

It's road trip time.
Tomorrow I embark on a 500 mile journey towards Big Bend National Park, in southwest Texas, into the Chihuahuan Desert -- the largest in North America.

It will be my first excursion into such a place, though for unknown reasons, deserts have always fascinated me. Perhaps, on this trip, I'll find out why.


In any case, hasta luego! See y'all on the flip side!

Maybe is Baby

So, upon entering the local Chinese food buffet, I determined that I had to GO.

As I rushed into the restroom, a horrid stench wafted out.

Against all olfactory sense, I still had to GO, so unto the breach I proceeded, holding a piece of shirt over mouth and nose to enable me to survive.

Someone else entered as I did, but apparently didn't have to GO like I did, and I said casually, "Wow, we should tell them at the front desk about this." As I was checking each stall, I noted that in one, someone had... missed the shot they'd attempted to take, let's say. It had bounced off the rim. Then they'd tried to clean it up... they just didn't do a very good job.

Slightly horrified, I recoiled, and chose another stall. When I gotta GO, I gotta GO.

Anyway, in the meantime, the management had been notified. A tiny, older Asian woman dressed in business attire appeared in the restroom door, exclaiming, "Oh my GAAAAWD!!" as she opened it, then shouting in Chinese to her unluckiest employee to get the mop and bucket. She wouldn't come inside, but stood there continuing to make little noises about the stink. About the same time, I came out and as rapidly as possible, washed my hands, and prepared to push past her without a thought of even drying them.

I kind of laughed, suggesting, "Maybe it was from a baby or a kid or something..." but as I looked at her in the mirror, her words said, "Yeah. Maybe is baby."

Her eyes, however, stated clearly that she rather suspected it was me.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Posterior Emblazonment


I know, this trend is old news now, but its ridiculosity has not lessened.
Do you want to say that this part of you is juicy?
That may be a possibly serious medical problem, possibly related to ingestion of bad enchiladas.
Why don't they get more descriptive with it? Like "Gassy" or "Pimply"?
And hell, why doesn't the rest of the world besides fashionistas join in?
These could appear in all parts of a department store:
Menswear
"Hairy"
"Stanky"
"Betta than Brad Pitt's"
"Not an Entrance"
"Bubble"
Infants/Toddlers
"Change This"
"Caution: May Be Poopy"
"Despite what I say, I should actually go potty"
Plus Sizes
"Got Back"
"May Be Hot, May Not Depending on your Proclivities"
The list is endless.
I mean, if you're going to do a thing, don't do it half-assed!
p.s. Go on, add your own!
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