Totally stolen premise, ungulate finish

If you take one of those big ol' rubber bands and swallow it in an attempt to engineer a cut-rate lap band surgery... you might be a redneck.

Or you might just be that fat-addled and lacking of insurance.


p.s. Did you know that tapirs, even though they look like pigs with mini-elephant-trunks, are odd-toed ungulates, related to horses and rhinoceroses? They are said to eat dreams in some Asian countries, which could help me, because I've been having bad dreams lately. In specific, I awoke from a nap this afternoon with a fading remembrance of a big tray of deviled eggs, which I had apparently made. I hate deviled eggs. Conclusion: I need a pet tapir.


Violet said…
Interesting about the tapirs. I can't say that I've ever heard of them. I have also been having some strange dreams lately as well... I'll have to look into it.
defiant goddess said…
Eating dreams ... Why does that sound like a porno to me?

Don't answer that.
Ari said…
Glad to be educational, Violet. I think they've been on the planet around 35 million years or so. Not sure where the dream-eating idea came from, but they're sposedly intertwined with some kind of mythical creature called a baku. Now I've said entirely too much. :)

I have no idea, Renee. I could throw Keanu in there somewhere if you like. ;)
Azathoth said…
Just make sure you get a industrial sized pooper scooper. Maybe you'd be better off getting one of those native american dream catchers instead.
Gary said…
If they are related to horses, does that mean I could ride one? That might be fun. :)
Ari said…
That made me guffaw, Aza. I didn't think about the poo factor.

They might be able to be ridden, Gary, because I think they get up to 700 lbs. They also walk along the bottoms of rivers eating plants, which I think is cool. On Wikipedia, it said one tore a woman's arm off though. So maybe not. :)
Anonymous said…
I like deviled eggs, but I can see where having a dream about them could be disturbing. I usually combat the tendency to dream at night with blackout inducing whiskey.
Ari said…
Yay! Blackout inducing whiskey!

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