Wednesday, September 27, 2006

CVS is wrong for that


Why it's still embarrassing to purchase products of a feminine nature after 20 years experience, I don't know, but sometimes it is.

I decide I don't want to navigate the perilous waters of Wal-Mart, so I'll stop at the drugstore (as it used to be called in the parlance of my youth), even though I KNOW a guy will be working the counter at 9:30 p.m.

I'm perusing the products, looking for my preferred species, and a Whitman's candy display is there on the end of the aisle, sparking a train of thoughts: "What the fuck is that doing there? Oh, no wonder I couldn't find it the last time I was looking for a last-minute gift -- it's here in this fucked up place, what kind of layout is that?"

Then it hit me: "WHOA, it's there because duhhhhh, it's the most expensive chocolate in the store and it's right here next to the pads and tampons!"

Stunned at this sexist display, I continue to shop, looking for other shit to buy to distract from my feminine needs purchase. I become aware of a bitchy, bossy fat girl (who may have been hosting Aunt Flo herself) being followed by her whoopt-ass boyfriend, ergo:

BBFC: (sassy drawl) You got my chips?
WAB: YeahyeahyeahIgot'em.
BBFC: You gonna get my Coke?
WAB: Yeahyeahyeahyeah,I,Ijustdidn'twannacarryitaroundallatimeI'mgonnagobackandgit itdamn!

Tired of being circled by those two, I head for the checkout. Of course, I was right about the cashier -- not only a guy, but the conscripted photo lab tech who is not likely jaded to people's purchases yet and probably still notices things like level of absorbency (gee, suffer from social anxiety disorder much, Ari?) I do note that he has a Christian fish ring and as I stand there swiping my card and completely avoiding eye contact, I hope that his Christian feeling extends to women who are bravely soldiering on in the face of excessive blood pouring from their extremities.

By the way, I don't know why the girl is in the picture is boycotting. Clearly, CVS is wrong in their misogynistic juxtaposition of period care products and pricey chocolates, but I'm over it. Now I'm off to download some Black Sabbath and some DC Talk from itunes at the same time just to see what happens.

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"In the garage, where I belong, no one hears me sing this song."
-- R. Cuomo




9 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Chocolate next to the cooter rockets. Brilliant idea.

Anonymous said...

The term "excessive blood pouring" really turned me on...

Is that wrong? Ya...ya...it is...I really should have kept that little bit of information to myself. ;)

Steve~

Gary said...

I think maybe there should be an internet site where you can find out all the drugstores in your neighborhood that have a woman currently at the register. LOL.

Azathoth said...

Never understood the fear of buying that stuff. Having grown up with 2 sisters, as well as when I was with the Demon, I've done my share of emergency run's for the cotton rockets. Never bothered me, after all the last thing I'm going to worry about is the opinion of some high schooler who sits at a register all day. Be brave, and know that while your buying them, NOBODY is going to give you sh*t just in case you flip on them.

Ari said...

I guess it's brill if you're a guy with stock in CVS, LBB.

Welcome, Steve. There's no rules here, exactly, but that's what I get for blogging about something even remotely connected with pooter. :)

Now THAT is brilliant, Gary. Kind of like those ones for gas prices.

See, Aza, I have never once sent a man for those for me. You got a point there. I probably did have that, "I could snap anytime" look in my eye at that.

defiant goddess said...

Ari, you are a genius writer.

Ari said...

Thanks, Renee!! I am going to engrave that on the front of my computer screen or get a tattoo.

Julie said...

Cooter Rockets? LOL, that is hilarious! never heard the term.

I'm still mortified myself to buy them, esp w/ guy cashiers and I'm almost 40.

I try to hide them around other items while walking through the store. It's like a walking billboard about the 'excessive blood letting' between the thighs. I think guys shouldn't be at all embarassed to buy them b/c it's not like anyone thinks they are for them to use.

Ari said...

Good point about guys Julie!

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