If this was myspace, you'd be annoyedly scrolling down, trying to find the clickbox to stop the page's theme song.
Today, it would be the song "Defender" by the epic metal band Manowar.
Ride like the wind
Fight proud, my pup
You're the defender
God has sent
For this, the tiniest of dogs, exploded into violent barking and enthusiastic lunging at this threatening sight:
A rather crappy patio set -- loaned out, but then returned.
Once empty patio
I look up to you and heed thy call
This plastic ends my search
I'll live your dream now passed to me
And I now wait to shake the hand of fate
Like the dusk awaiting dawn
So umbrella, flap your spell
With no heart to do me well
So its written, it shall be
Trust me, it's a great song.
And in no wise wussy.
Great to swing a paladin sword by.
Oh, and there at the beginning? THAT'S ORSON WELLES.