Saturday, February 05, 2005

Scald Pockets

Don't say you weren't warned: Lean Pockets can kill.
Well, ok, I don't know that for sure.
But they can give you SECOND DEGREE BURNS.
TO THE FACE.
How do I know, you may ask? Well, there I was, wolfing down an apple with the remaining 15 task-free minutes of my lunch while waiting for my main course to cook. Unbeknownst to me as I grabbed the barbecue-style Lean Pocket from the microwave, it had attained a temperature near that of molten magma.

Bites one and two did no harm. However, with bite three, I had just gotten too close to the hellish core. A searing strip of meat and barbecue sauce trailed out of the cocoon of crust and promptly stuck to my chin, sizzling flesh as it adhered. "Ow. OW!" I exclaimed, trying to brush it off. But it was too late.
Later I was stunned to discover that yes, there was in fact a BLISTER where the fiery meat had stuck. And now I am reminded daily of the potential danger of microwaved foods as I wait for a vertical, vaguely meat-strip-shaped slash of red to heal.

Be careful out there.


6 comments:

The Unseen One said...

OW!!! Hope you heal up soon. ;)

When I was in my early 20's, I lived off of lean pockets for about a year and a half. Then one day, my body just said "Hey, no more. You put any more of those in me, I'm going to hurt you." Now I can't even stand the smell of them.

Julie said...

You are so right! That happened to me, but not as severe as you, the cheese kept coming out and burnt my hands and fingers and lips as I tried to contain it! What a hilarious post, roflmao!

Ari said...

Thanks for your kind words. It may interest all to know that I am now fully recovered.

A week of burn cream and colloidal silver ointment does wonders for facial disfigurement.

Now I just need to find a miracle cure for fatness... :)

defiant goddess said...

Girl, you are a riot!

sweetpussay said...

that's why they said wait two minutes before eating..i know i don't wait..lol..but i do becareful

Ari said...

Oh, but I have solved my problem, SP. I simply don't ingest Scald Pockets anymore.

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