Monday, September 06, 2004

Violent Fantasy Vengeance

Ever envision yourself just punching some cutoff driver in the head at a stoplight? Or, slamming rude grocery store women with a can of baked beans after they force you aside in the canned foods aisle? Yes, this is unbecoming and hardly appropriate in our age of fretting over a wrongly turned breath at one of another cultural persuasion. But the images flagrantly present themselves in my head, nonetheless.

The first time I recall it happening, I was maybe 16. Being a large mammal, I was walking down some street in Washington D.C. on a trip and some guy shouted something out about how I'd better move my fat ass out of the road, cause he didn't know how he was gonna miss it, or something. Anyway, I like rocks and I just happened to have a nice, smooth round granite rock in my hand, that probably weighed 5 pounds. Enough to brain someone with through the back window of a pickup truck, surely. As the truck slowly pulled past, I envisioned myself hurling it with Olympic precision through the back window of the truck. And the only thing that kept me from doing it is that I was far away from home, and it occurred to me: "I don't want to go to jail today." Oh, the wide crevasse between thought and action. It saves me daily.

5 comments:

The Unseen One said...

I can TOTALLY relate!!!
As a fellow large mammal (I think you stole that from me, actually, heh heh), I have encountered the occasional human vibrating butt plug of doom who feels the need to spew his verbal runny-turds in my direction. Lately, I've just taken to calling them the "C" word and daring them to action (the combination of knowing martial arts and this is a carry state, thus packing a .38 revolver, gives one a bit of confidence). No takers yet.

I've also always wanted to have very powerful high-beam lights mounted on the back of my car. That would stop night time tail-gaters... Even beter with a strobe effect... *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH*

Woman of Scorn said...

This happens to me on a daily basis as well. It's too bad we can't take justice into our own hands. Such is life.

myerinmama said...

A few months ago, my sister was in a Walmart parkin lot (total nightmare) with her 3 kids- one a new born- she gave one lady the right of way- they waved to each other in gratitude when some woman cut right through and almost hit her and then decided to start screaming at my sister. My sister had a boston Creme Krispy Kreme in her hand (she had just taken a bite) so she through it at the aforementioned bitch's windshield!!!! Nice sticky cream was everywhere and people cheered for my sister. sometimes we do get revenge!!!

Ari said...

Yeah, another pal o mine said he once chunked a Biggie Sprite from Wendy's into the window of a new car with new leather seats for the offense of calling him fat. Nice one, I say to both of you! :)

Ari said...

However, I cannot overlook the irony that fat people are getting revenge on thin people by throwing FOOD at them! ;) Now that is most amusing.

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