Showing posts from 2009

Not A Name Person

With any foray into a new work environment comes the gentle unraveling of the convoluted idiosyncrasies of every child of God with whom you interact. This year, I've moved to a new school, and it is so much more wonderful than I could've imagined in my old beat-dog place (as long as you don't mind slaving like an oarsman on a Viking longboat... but I guess if I did, I wouldn't have taken this job). With the exception of a few moments of stickiness with the assemblage of custodians over pencil shavings left by the 29, yes TWENTY-NINE, children I'm educating, everyone's been completely cordial. So much so, that it caused me to have to confront one of my own quirks: I'm not a name person.

After about week two, I had met most everyone and remembered virtually no names. In an effort to help me, a charismatic teacher down the hall, by way of showing me how to better learn people's names, used mine every time she saw me:

"Hello, V!"
"I know wha…

The Problem With Organics


Preaching the Gospel

"Well, I've lost 2 pounds," the still fat woman said.

"Yeah, but the booze doesn't help," the smoker said.

In recent days, I have come to realize in vivid detail that we, each and every one of us, is preaching our own version of the gospel. Though we never want to listen to anyone else's truth, as they are not us and "don't understand," this doesn't stop us from slathering and blathering our own revealed prophecies to anyone who will listen.

Over and over again it happens - one lady stops another in the grocery store to tout the virtues of St. Ives hand lotion, I overhear someone thinking aloud about their next auto purchase and jump in, shouting emphatically, "Don't buy a Kia. I mean, do what you want, but I have a friend who has one and they're replacing the engine to the tune of $3700.00 less than a year later. Toyota, good. Honda, good." Stepping back later, I was slightly aghast: why did I launch into a diatribe th…

Obama Scales It Back After Denny's Visit

Before you watch this, know two things: 1) I go to Denny's on a semiregular basis (although I like Waffle House more), and 2) I fit many of these descriptions. I still LOL'ed. Hope you do too!

Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

Soulent Green is made from...

Here green, there green, everywhere a green green.

I have nothing against environmentalism; in fact, I was a tie dye shirt making proponent of Earth Day way back in the early '90's.

But if we want to be truly green, to go beyond the continual lip service of everything and everyone from the presidents of nations to the label on the last shampoo bottle or pack of chocolate pudding you purchased, we must become devotees of the ultimate, Supreme Being-sponsored form of recycling: reincarnation.

After all, if a toilet paper tube can be reformed from what's left and made into the parchment upon which the next great American novel is penned or upon which the photographic second coming of eighties fashion is printed, how much more can the gossamer silk of your immortal soul be carefully placed into the reincarnation bin by some cosmically conscious creator, and spun anew into something superficially more or less than it is now, and yet still with a purpose and a place?


Cool Hand Easter (from

Can a man eat 50 Cadbury eggs? This video answers that question, Old West Style.

Oh, and hope y'all had a fun one!

Cool Hand Easter - watch more funny videos


He wants this match started!

Ram Man Johnny Evans standing guard on the outside of the ring, TJ the Bull hasAND THEN THEY GO! AND THEN THEY GO!

They're goin' right back at it! They're all hitting the ring again! They're all in the ring once more! Everybody's in the ring; it's mayhem, once more! Oh my God I can't believe this; this is incredible!

Soul Man Alex G! Beating on Prime Time Daryl D! Samurai Kid getting the worst... of the situation from the Miser! Bobby Wales getting beat on by TJ the Bull Jackson! Biiiiig Baack Body Drop! Unbelievable! Big Back Body Drop!

The Soul Man sending Prime Time Daryl D for a ride! And they’re takin’ it to the outside! Ram Man working over the Miser! Power Press Slam!


TJ The Bull Jackson with the bull rope! And Ram Man, they’re goin’ at it! OHHH! He takes that bull-k… that cowbell right across the head! OHHHHHHH he takes that cowbell right across the head once more!

Samurai Kid gets a cowbell! Bobby Wale…

Crap Products Review: Ray O Vac Batteries

This week, I had the week off, so I decided to visit a nearby state for a couple of days, namely Arkansas, to spend some time in nature. Mais oui, I took off complete with a half-eaten sack of bridge mix in my purse, but without any new batteries for the camera.

Well, since we were in the cradle of American capitalism - the home state of Wal-Mart - we had no problem finding a local Supercenter at which to purchase $1.00 green pants and sweaters as well as the needed batteries. Well, what do I do? I at first find a $6.58 pack of Duracells, which I spurn for a 94 cent, yes, 94 cent, package of Ray O Vac HEAVY DUTY, yes, HEAVY DUTY, double As.

It turns out that Arkansas, besides being the home state of Sam Walton's deviltry and razorbacks, is pretty damn beautiful in its mountainous regions, with quaint creeks flowing down into tiny valleys around every bend. Athough we were using the GPS, we manage to still get ourselves lost en route to a mountain town in which we were traveling to i…

A taste of my own medicine...

In my chosen field, I'm usually the one doling out the vocabulary lessons, but this time I'm getting one. "From where?" you may ask, and I would respond, "From the unlikeliest of places -- a fantasy novel!"

You see, I have just begun a series new to me, that of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson (that's him over there). It's a 32-year-old series, from the first volume at least, and rather good so far! Covenant is a leper who finds himself the unlikely messiah in a magical land... that's about all I can tell you, as I've only made it to chapter six. Below is a list of the new words I've had to look up. I discovered as a result of Thomas that I don't think I own a paper dictionary anymore, and I kind of wish I did, so I wouldn't have to keep getting up from my comfy chair to look things up on Anyway, the list:

1) picar - weapon (Spanish) -- This wasn't even in the damn dicti…