Monday, August 13, 2007

How Hot Is It?



I've lived in Texas all my life, and I've made it through some damned hot summers. Yet only today, and never before, have I witnessed this: cows going for a dip in the afternoon sun.*
Of about a dozen cows standing around in the pasture as I sped past, two seemed a little bit smarter than the others. They were skinny dipping, even, and seemed to be smiling, and perhaps snorting the bovine version of the following playlet:
Black and White Cow: "Vaya Con Dios, bitches!! We're swimming!! In your and our water hole, even! We are one step closer to taking down our human oppressors!"
Black Cow: "Word! I'm sick of just standing here absorbing the sun's rays!"
'Course, what cows actually say to one another as they graze in the blazing sun will perhaps never be known. Any scientists fool enough to try to trek all the way out to the water hole on a 104-degree day like today while lugging heavy data recording instruments and wearing white lab coats would no doubt shrivel from heat exhaustion just as easily as a spinach leaf sauteed in butter in a pan.
Though cows are generally thought of as dumb animals that are better off eaten, they are in fact, stoic denizens of the Texas prairie.

(* Artist/Witness Rendering - actual photo unavailable due to high speeds and choking laughter)

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Sometimes it's better not to stick bits of each other in each other for each other. -- Hot Club de Paris

7 comments:

Ari said...

Ugh. The line breaks aren't working. O well. I couldn't stand not having any paragraph spacing.

Trevor Record said...

That is a rockin' picture.

And when I get my degree in cow speak science, I will go out and battle the heat to answer those questions.

(You get a degree in cow speak science by using one of those spinny children's toys that makes sounds when you point the spinny thing to animals.)

Ari said...

Thanks very much, Trevor! It turned out better than I thought. I shall await your research.

Azathoth100 said...

I am cow
Hear me Moo
I wiegh twice as much as you
and I look good
on your BBQ

Yogert, Curd, Cream Cheese and Butter's
Made from liquid from my udder
I am Cow
I am Cow
Hear me Moo
-I am Cow by Arrogant Worms

random moments said...

Love it. And the artistic rendition of your surely hilarious vision.

Btw, when the temp is over 100, the water is just as hot. Went to the river this weekend and it felt the same temp one's bath would be!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I gotta say: I don't feel one bit guilty about eating cows.

Utter than that, I have nothing to write.

Ari said...

Aza: Never heard of the Arrogant Worms! But now I have.

Random Moments: The same thing happened to me when I went night swimming this week. It wasn't all that refreshing because the water was lukewarm. Thank God for A/C and ice cream.

LBB: I sometimes feel guilty eating cows, but I still don't stop. I guess as long as someone else will be the butcher, I'll keep eating steak.

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