Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Workpolitik

When I was a youngster, toiling away at what used to be Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems (now Cingular Wireless), I swore off office politics. I reported to work, fended off oldsters who hit on me and my "sexy voice" daily, pretended to sell extra features, took much too long constructing a faux jellyfish from a styrofoam plate and bits of plastic for a team decorating contest, just generally toiled there in my cubicle from morning 'til night, fixing glorified walkie talkies. Then (usually a few minutes early), I went home. As a result, I never got the attention (nor the raises) of my superiors.

Then I got ten years older. The world and its ways slowly and painfully revealed themselves to me. I realized, that in all kinds of realms, you have to do as Freddie Mercury suggests, and "Play the game, play the game, play the game, play the game!"

With a single email that could have been utter bullstuff (it wasn't, but the point is, verification of my lofty claims didn't occur), I convinced my old asshole boss that I knew something after all. He decided that perhaps I was in fact the cat's pajamas. I had made myself, and hence him and the school, look good.

This feat, after 3 or 4 years of indifference and/or hassling from him, convinced me completely. Now, I jockey for position as all who get ahead seem to.

I don't misrepresent my deeds, and I do work a good bit harder than I did back then, 'tis true, but now I frame my doings in gilded rectangles, wrap them in festive tissue paper and present regular news of them like gifts to my overlords. I am my own press secretary.

What are 'principles' in youth look like foolish obstructions of prestige and cashflow in slightly older age.

Print that on a batch of fortune cookies and distribute at your next office holiday party.




6 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You, Inc.

Ari said...

Exactly, LBB.

Violet said...

It is all about the "spin."

Wouldn't it be nice if the world focused on what was real, instead of what appears the best on the surface?

Ari said...

It would, Violet, but I've just decided to spin instead of being spun. It happens whether we like it or not.

Steven Novak said...

"Print that on a batch of fortune cookies and distribute at your next office holiday party."

Done and done.

And I mean DONE. ;)

Steve~

Ari said...

Thanks, Steve. My wisdom cannot be denied.

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