Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I Kinda Wish I Was Like That


Today between the schooling and the getting schooled, I went looking for vittles to Jack in the Box, in search of the elusive Jumbo Jack with cheese, plain, and two tacos. I'd gone to this particular one before, but I'd forgotten before that I'd sworn to myself that next time, I should go to the OTHER one a couple blocks before the one I've gotten used to going to.
Why? you ask. Well, there's one of those homo sapiens oblivians working there. You know the type. The guy who, despite being of low socioeconomic status and considerably less than dreamy looks, flirts with anyone, anywhere, any time. The guy who leans out the drive-thru to impart his philosophies on life and love with you, even though you're just a passing blur framed by a car window.
"You didn't KNOW you could substitute mozzarella sticks for fries?!" he cried to me, incredulous. "See that? You learn something new all the time! I can't believe you didn't know that!" "My girlfriend just broke up with me because her mom died! I told her I thought at a time like that you'd WANT your boyfriend around!" he enthused. (Read: Hey sexy customer babe, I'm available and I'm here for you no matter WHAT.) "Hey, she's cute!" he then incongrously hurled at me whilst looking at some distant hole-having specimen. "Too old for me, but she's cute!" During all this, I'd just kept staring ahead, or at the steering wheel. For a split second, I turned and gazed into his optimistically, obliviously blue eyes, just to be polite. He didn't care. "I wouldn't know." I said. He just kept right on, ignoring the purposeful lack of eye contact as he went on about how there was nothing wrong with it even if I did know.
He'd flirted rampantly in this exact fashion last time I was there, and I SWORE to myself that I wasn't going back there. I guess I just can't trust myself.
On the other hand though, how cool would it be to be free of ANY THOUGHT of what someone else thinks, free as a bird to talk to any person, no matter how rich, no matter how gorgeous. I kinda wish I was like that.
Later, I went into a Tom Thumb grocery store to buy some overpriced motor oil, and an old lady who was hanging around the pseudo-Starbucks inside, with a housedress, a mop of scraggly white hair and whose empty wheelchair was poised next to the chair she was occupying. Even though her head seemed like it was down, she shouted, "There's free cookies around the corner, hon!" at the exact moment I passed. Pointing strange fat girls to free cookies.... now that's being a good citizen. I kinda wish I was like that.
Still, that Jack in the Box is off the list.

13 comments:

Steven Novak said...

You didn't KNOW you could substitute mozzarella sticks for fries?!

Wow.

How embarassing. ;)

Steve~

Ari said...

Ain't it though, Steve???

Violet said...

I don't think I would've made it through two bites of the first taco without vomiting.

Although, the slimy guys that hit on me often remind me of how GREAT my life is that I am "out of their league."

(Wow, that sounded really sh!tty, didn't it? Oh, well.)

Gary said...

I imagine that he is doing more than just flirting. I imagine he is trying to get all the action he can. If that's true, I think he's kind of gross. But if he's just flirting, then I think it is just harmless fun.

I think I would hate to be his girlfriend. Or his wife.

Ari said...

Not at all, Violet. In fact, my best friend and I had a lengthy conversation that his whole problem was that he could not perceive the concept of "leagues" -- something of which I am painfully aware. :)

Hey, Gary! I do think he is doing his damndest to get laid. But not by this chica, I can tell you. ;)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

HOld on. You can sub mozarella sticks for fries?

That's a hell of a good deal.

Azathoth said...

Next time if he tells you his girlfriend broke up with him trying saying "well good for her. Nice to see she's fixing up her life.". Of course only after you have your food that is. Then never go back there.

Ari said...

You can indeed, LBB, or apparently jalapeno poppers or any of those other finger food type things they have. This is a good deal, because I don't like their fries.

It occurred to me, Aza, but I really didn't want to talk to him any longer than necessary. :)

Trevor Record said...

Ari: Of course the package would be something nice. Think of it as a chrimbo present. If you want it, please email (guarana_mc@hotmail.com) me your address (I don't have it).

Now, in Canada we don't have Jack in the Box. It is mainly known as the "dead kid" fast food restaurant here. But we have vacant people that flirt with anyone they meet. But, you know, men don't mind that so much.

Ari said...

Maybe it's better you don't have JITB, Trevor. Address sent! :)

Julie said...

Mozzarella sticks instead of fries, now that is a bonus,, or they must suck!!

What a casanova, ey? sweaty bo hunk of king velveeta.
Did he have the mr. T start up kit of necklaces.. b/c if not, he might should think about it,, might help out.

Amandarama said...

To my knowledge, there is no Jack-in-the-Box in Massachusetts. Wow.

Ari said...

He didn't have anything near Mr. T's charisma, Julie, and I don't think any number of necklaces would help.

Probably better for the collective arteries of the state of Massachusetts, Amanda.

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