Monday, November 20, 2006

Four Stupid Ways I Amuse Myself

While making some Thanksgiving fudge (yeah, I know, the Pilgrims didn't have fudge at the first Thanksgiving, but damn you people and your rules), it occurred to me that I do quite a few stupid things to amuse myself. Now, from the past and present, some of these stupid ways ::drumroll::

1. Dictate to myself the ingredients and processes of making fudge as I am doing them, in survival Spanish, with the heaviest of Texas accents:
"Ponga los nway-says en la dool-say. Es mas fa-seel!" :)

2. I used to go out into our backyard and pretend to make educational films, just like the jumpy, projector driven films we saw at school, that unspooled from one 12-foot-in- diameter reel to another as the teacher dozed at the back of the room.

Of course, any time the film started to jump or skip or make that PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMPHHTPRRRPHTMTMMTMTTTTPRRRRRRRR
sound, the class noisily complained. If the film snapped in twain, the teacher was ready with a piece of Scotch tape. Try doing THAT with faulty DVDs, kids. The really COOL teachers would run the film backwards. That kicked ass in the days before the Interweb and Atari. But I digress.

Of course, I did include the stilted 50's style narration, done by a man with a crisp crew cut and black, severe horn-rimmed glasses. Now that I think about it, the average age of any audiovisual aid used in the classroom, back in the seventies and even now, is about 20 years old.

3. Loudly sing songs in a strong, British Cockney accent that have no business being sung that way, usually while driving, and sometimes with the windows open: "UNDA NEAF YOUR CLOVES THEY'S AN ENDLESS STORY!!! THERE'S THE MAIN I CHOSE, THERE'S MY TERATORY!! AND AWL THE FINGS I DESERVE, FOR BEIN SUCHA GOOD GIRL 'ONEY!!!"

4. Yes. There is that. And yeah, it would be more stupid if captioned, "Rutting Season." :)

11 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

None of those is stupid, Ari. I would LOVE to here the Texas Spanish you speak. Do an audio blog.

Ari said...

Alas, LBB, Audioblogger is no more. But I'm sure it would be amusing for all. :)

Anonymous said...

Gotta love those film strips. Those were the days.

How did the fudge turn out? I like your idea and may begin to make fudge a Thanksgiving tradition of my own.

Ari said...

Thanks, Violet. I was helping out a friend, so it was an Eagle Brand recipe kit that she bought. I found it inferior to the kind I usually make, which is from the recipe on the back of the marshmallow creme jar.

Anonymous said...

"I used to go out into our backyard and pretend to make educational films, just like the jumpy, projector driven films we saw at school"

HOly crap...

I KNOW WHAT I'm DOING ON SUNDAY!!! ;)

Steve~

Ari said...

That's it, Steve. Kee-eeep prrrrrrrrrrhrphhhrfftttppprrrrrrr the fi-re a-live. ::waaaaa wawawaw waaa waaa waaaaaaa!! (that was orchestra music)::

Ari said...

And YOU HAVE TO SHARE!!

Trevor Record said...

Hi Ari, long time no see. How are the dogs doing? I would like to thank you again for giving me a couch to sleep on. Also, would you like me to send you a package from canada as a way of saying thanks?

But really, if there is something stupid about singing to yourself in a cokney accent, than I am about due for some disability cheques.

Anonymous said...

Oh no! What happened to audioblogger?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ari said...

Hi Trevor. I'm glad to know you still breathe somewhere. About that package, it depends on what it is. If it's the answer to the riddle, "What's brown and sounds like a bell?" then no. :)

I don't know, Amanda. It went the way of the wooly mammoth and the dinosaurs. And same to you! I figure there will be some delicious stuff cooking at your house.

Amandarama said...

None of those is stupid. Really. I promise.

I've spent time in my apartment singing so loudly during "me time" that downstairs neighbors came upstairs to make sure "everything was ok".

I eventually moved away from London.

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