Saturday, January 28, 2006

Bitch Happens


Someday, perhaps even before I die, or in 2036, auto-pilot for cars will be invented.

Maybe then, I'll stop hitting people.

It's not 2036 yet, though, and I'm still crunchin' metal.

Over the course of my twenty years behind the wheel, I have sprinkled the byways of the greater Dallas area with glittering debris from collisions ranging from tiny to major, somewhere around a dozen times.

Once, I fell asleep in the bank line and my foot slipped off the brake. I put a tiny, quarter inch crescent moon hole in a Lexus bumper. The guy reported it.

Once, I slid down a wet hill in the rain into the back of a Ford F150. I had a Honda Civic. It was totaled.

After that one, I was driving my rental car (which I nicknamed "La Cucaracha" because it was cockroach brown) down the freeway. Someone REAR ENDED THE RENTAL. At least that time it wasn't my fault.

This time, however, according to the Necessary Evil Insurance Company, it was.

See, I happened to be pulling out of a parking lot and was hit squarely on the left front tire by some speeding bitch who was on her cellphone. I looked. My passenger looked. Neither of us saw her until the moment of impact.

She didn't stop her conversation, even after the cars had smashed. The phone rang 30 seconds later, while we were disputing whose fault it was. She answered it. Maybe if I'd called her, she'd have listened to me instead of trying to generate 10,000 watts of guilt trip, which I refused on principle. Oh, and the police? They couldn't be bothered to come out.

But it's not against the law to be on a cellphone when driving, and she had the right of way, says Necessary Evil (State Farm) Insurance. So it's all you, Ms. Ari. Don't be late with your payment.

The worst part of all of it is feeling like an idiot, hearing the pained reactions of people, just because matter can't occupy the same space at the same time. Driving's easy, they silently say. Why can't you manage it?

1. I'm too busy thinking about people I love to pay proper attention.
2. I'm too busy singing to pay proper attention.
3. I'm just not that spatially gifted.

Maybe I should start riding a horse to work. My class would certainly love that.

The positive thinking angle here is twofold: a) No one was seriously injured, and b) I think I'm the only person I know who's broken even in the sick insurance game of betting against yourself. I think I might have claimed about as much as I've paid in.

11 comments:

Jessica said...

Is that really a picture of your car?!?!?!

I'm sorry, that so bad.

I hope it won't cost too much

Julie said...

I love your SUV!
What about that snow in Dallas, that was something, ey?
Well obviously she wasn't paying attention b/c who just runs into someone when they are flying down the road?? stupid bitch.
I'm sorry... but w/ all things, this too shall pass and it can be fixed and those insurance bastards will get their damn money.
I've done my fair share of banging up on the roads too, you are not alone by far sweetie! Shit just happens, take care sweets

Wigwam Jones said...

Very sorry to read and see the damage done. No one hurt? I think I might have done the habeus grabbus on the cell phone and seen how far I could toss it when in a murderous rage. Or maybe just gone ahead with the original murder plan - seems neater somehow. Vile, vile, nasty. And insurance. Ugh. Very sorry again.

Ari said...

Oops, I forgot to mention, that's not my car. That's the kind of car I have, but mine's black, and the damage isn't that bad, although the front left wheel appears to be torn from the axle.

This pic is just what I could find to illustrate the point. Didn't mean to lie graphically, sorry about that. :)

Thank you all for your kind words. I'll post an update on the fracas when it becomes available.

The Unseen One said...

Sorry to hear about the accident.

You should switch to Nationwide. They are a bunch of bastards, and it is good to have them be bastards on YOUR side.

State Farm is too easy to push around. I have done it several times when in accidents with state farm policy holders. Nationwide, however, tell those filing against you to piss off.

Hope you are okay.

Lance Manion said...

You're in Texas. I already assumed that y'all rode horses to work. Next thing you'll tell me that a gun is not, in fact, part of your daily wardrobe.

It should also be legal to shoot cellphone drivers.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Accidents suck. I've been in several.

Latigo Flint said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mishap Ari. But just remember, horses sometimes try to mount each other without regard for respective riders--and that really tends to ruin your day if you happen to be in the female's saddle at the time.

Amandarama said...

Jeez! Are you ok?

Ari said...

Thanks, all y'all for your concern. I'm alright. A bit sore, and a lot embittered, but that shall pass I expect. The other driver is now denying that she was speeding and that she was on the phone. Lying sack o' crap that she is. Guess I've got to make like Earl and trust in karma.

I might think about Nationwide, NH, because right now, State Farm is not like a good neighbor and is not "there" to my satisfaction.

While I have ridden horses, Lance, they're not too good in the rain or heat. Probably a good thing I don't have a pistol packin' permit, though.

Word, BB. Word.

I guess, Latty. But at least horses have natural animal instincts, instead of just human c*ntasticness.

Yeah, I'm alright, Amanda. I did consume 5 or 600 calories worth of wine tonight tho. :)

Dave Morris said...

All's well that ends well, accidents happen. I would recommend against horses, the constant grooming and shoveling shit make it almost an even trade - and who wants 1 horse when you can have 150 under a hood?

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