Someday, perhaps even before I die, or in 2036, auto-pilot for cars will be invented.
Maybe then, I'll stop hitting people.
It's not 2036 yet, though, and I'm still crunchin' metal.
Over the course of my twenty years behind the wheel, I have sprinkled the byways of the greater Dallas area with glittering debris from collisions ranging from tiny to major, somewhere around a dozen times.
Once, I fell asleep in the bank line and my foot slipped off the brake. I put a tiny, quarter inch crescent moon hole in a Lexus bumper. The guy reported it.
Once, I slid down a wet hill in the rain into the back of a Ford F150. I had a Honda Civic. It was totaled.
After that one, I was driving my rental car (which I nicknamed "La Cucaracha" because it was cockroach brown) down the freeway. Someone REAR ENDED THE RENTAL. At least that time it wasn't my fault.
This time, however, according to the Necessary Evil Insurance Company, it was.
See, I happened to be pulling out of a parking lot and was hit squarely on the left front tire by some speeding bitch who was on her cellphone. I looked. My passenger looked. Neither of us saw her until the moment of impact.
She didn't stop her conversation, even after the cars had smashed. The phone rang 30 seconds later, while we were disputing whose fault it was. She answered it. Maybe if I'd called her, she'd have listened to me instead of trying to generate 10,000 watts of guilt trip, which I refused on principle. Oh, and the police? They couldn't be bothered to come out.
But it's not against the law to be on a cellphone when driving, and she had the right of way, says Necessary Evil (State Farm) Insurance. So it's all you, Ms. Ari. Don't be late with your payment.
The worst part of all of it is feeling like an idiot, hearing the pained reactions of people, just because matter can't occupy the same space at the same time. Driving's easy, they silently say. Why can't you manage it?
1. I'm too busy thinking about people I love to pay proper attention.
2. I'm too busy singing to pay proper attention.
3. I'm just not that spatially gifted.
Maybe I should start riding a horse to work. My class would certainly love that.
The positive thinking angle here is twofold: a) No one was seriously injured, and b) I think I'm the only person I know who's broken even in the sick insurance game of betting against yourself. I think I might have claimed about as much as I've paid in.