Sunday, January 16, 2005

A Life Spared

Over and over and over he rolled. Down the highway. I saw the fall mostly in the rearview, speeding past at a stunned 60 mph. The thought that I should have stopped to help did not occur to me until I was miles down the road, after the red bike falling, skidding, scraping, across lanes where falling is forbidden and witnessing the hands crossing back and forth before the body, begging that soul not be severed, that flesh not be rent.
After, thoughts were flippant, selfish. "Wow, I'm glad he didn't get run over, because I think I would have puked." "I'm glad he didn't fall in front of me, because I probably would've hit him."
All a drawing of the ready cover of humor over the unthinkable.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tonight's TV Viewing

Allllright, I'm going to sound like a prude and I'm really not at ALL but what's with the inappropriate sexual overtones in seemingly inane food commercials?
OBserve:
1. Chunky Soup -- FILLS YOU UP RIGHT
Watch beefy footballmen cavort as they talk about "soup."
As a sage named Robert Plant used to say, "I'm gonna give you every inch of my spoon, I'm gonna give you my... broth!!" Or something like that.
2. Dr. Pepper -- STACY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON
Take an already sexually sketchy Fountains of Wayne song and pair it with images of a cadre of post-soccer-game adolescent males lusting for a refreshing beverage (or for Stacy's mom, dressed in pert yellow and teasing them with the slow-roll open of the minivan door, revealing icy DP goodness waiting just inside. (Yes, pun intended, thanks for asking.)
Either someone didn't get it, or someone very much did.
However, these pseudooffensive food peddlings only interrupted the flow of the main focus of tonight's TV viewing, Jaws 2. My pug, by the way, makes an excellent Jaws 2, as he can definitely lurk below an innocently swimming squeaky mouse, and then lunge upward for sudden destruction. I may call him Jaws 2 for the next few days, in fact.
Favorite quote I made up and said aloud while watching: "Whose idea was it to wear butt roasts for shoes? That was a really dumb idea!!!!" AND it had dumb-teens-become-shark-food-in-short-order-fu (fu provided by John Bloom, once again).
I hope some of this served to amuse you or have you challenge your position on important moral questions of morality in food advertising. But I couldn't go to bed until I'd writ it.
It did, in fact, amuse me.
Lots.
But then I've had a couple of drinks.
Alone.
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