Saturday, March 21, 2009

WRESTLING MATCH, FLEA MARKET USA




He wants this match started!

Ram Man Johnny Evans standing guard on the outside of the ring, TJ the Bull hasAND THEN THEY GO! AND THEN THEY GO!

They're goin' right back at it! They're all hitting the ring again! They're all in the ring once more! Everybody's in the ring; it's mayhem, once more! Oh my God I can't believe this; this is incredible!

Soul Man Alex G! Beating on Prime Time Daryl D! Samurai Kid getting the worst... of the situation from the Miser! Bobby Wales getting beat on by TJ the Bull Jackson! Biiiiig Baack Body Drop! Unbelievable! Big Back Body Drop!

The Soul Man sending Prime Time Daryl D for a ride! And they’re takin’ it to the outside! Ram Man working over the Miser! Power Press Slam!

OHHH LORRRD! OH MY GOD!

TJ The Bull Jackson with the bull rope! And Ram Man, they’re goin’ at it! OHHH! He takes that bull-k… that cowbell right across the head! OHHHHHHH he takes that cowbell right across the head once more!

Samurai Kid gets a cowbell! Bobby Wales with a two by four! BATTER UP! BATTER UP!
Prime Time Daryl D and the Soul Man going at it! Unbelievable!

Soul Man Alex G! Standing guard! Here he comes in! OHHH two by four! Home run! He smacks him on the fanny! Bobby Wales gets him with the cowbell! Bobby Wales trying to fight back! OHHH! Bobby Wales got the two by four! OHHH! He got it right across the head! Unbelievable! OHHH! He gets that two by four right across the back once more! Bobby Wales! Withering in pain!

Samurai Kid, in the crowd! Beating on Miser! I can’t believe this action! This is incredible!

Unbelievable! Bobby Wales swinging that cowbell! TJ The Bull Jackson with the two by four! Referee Lou Daniels and Mike Hunt on the outside of the ring trying to gain control! I can’t believe what’s going on! Everything and anything that can happen is HAPPENING! Body slammed by the Miser! Soul Man getting revenge for his brother! Ram Man holding the legs! Miser in trouble! OHHHH! What a SPLASH off the top!

Unbelievable! I can’t believe this action! Unbelievable!

Samurai Kid sitting in the ring, Ram Man Johnny Evans telling TJ The Bull Jackson, bring it on! Soul Man Alex G Not! Quite! Done yet! He still has his brother to avenge; Referee Mike Hunt in the red shirt trying to keep them separated; Bobby Wales on the outside of the ring with a cowbell,

and the Miser! Is! Out of it! Miser has no more idea where he is and TJ The Bull Jackson is leading him around! Miser stumbling like a fool! Oh, Miser, don't get in the ring; that's the wrong part of town, amigo!

Miser being led to the back of the ring by TJ The Bull Jackson, Ram Man Johnny Evans, Soul Man Alex G, Samurai Kid, and Bobby Wales all standing in the middle


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"Andy, did you hear about this one?" -- Stipe, Buck, Mills, Berry

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Crap Products Review: Ray O Vac Batteries

This week, I had the week off, so I decided to visit a nearby state for a couple of days, namely Arkansas, to spend some time in nature. Mais oui, I took off complete with a half-eaten sack of bridge mix in my purse, but without any new batteries for the camera.

Well, since we were in the cradle of American capitalism - the home state of Wal-Mart - we had no problem finding a local Supercenter at which to purchase $1.00 green pants and sweaters as well as the needed batteries. Well, what do I do? I at first find a $6.58 pack of Duracells, which I spurn for a 94 cent, yes, 94 cent, package of Ray O Vac HEAVY DUTY, yes, HEAVY DUTY, double As.

It turns out that Arkansas, besides being the home state of Sam Walton's deviltry and razorbacks, is pretty damn beautiful in its mountainous regions, with quaint creeks flowing down into tiny valleys around every bend. Athough we were using the GPS, we manage to still get ourselves lost en route to a mountain town in which we were traveling to in order to dig quartz crystals from the earth (fun! by the way). At this detour, however, there was a beautiful lake... a perfect opportunity, I thought, to snap some photos with my freshly powered visual image capturing device. I take it out, snap one photo, and the lens retreats back into its cylindrical home like a mechanized turtle. It says, "Change the batteries." I get angry. After reading the back of the package, I discover that these cheapos are "Not suitable for high-drain devices" like cameras, toys, or possibly marital aids.

If I could return to that Wal-Mart, I'd go back to that battery display, and put a series of sticky notes next to the $ .94 price sign

$ .94 For A Reason
$ .94 Not Suitable For, Well, Anything
$ .94 Means Heavy Duty Suckage
$ .94 And Delicate Like A Flower
$ .94 Possibly Crafted In A Country Not In Full Possession of Battery Technology

Crap Product Verdict: Don't buy them.

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"Everybody makes mistakes, but it's always mine that seem to keep on stickin'." -- J. Murphy
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