Saturday, December 01, 2007

Threesome

When at Starbucks, I have a moral, jingoistic, and/or Texan instinctual thing going in which I refuse to order in Italian, as posted on and imposed by their menu. I also don't order a latte, or half-caff anything. I just say "a large coffee with cream and Equal." The other day when I did this, I actually had to explain what I meant by large:

Baristo: "You mean venti?"
Me: "Uhmm, yes. ::thinking to self:: "We're still speaking English. You are officially brainwashed, you clueless cog in the international corporate machine, you."

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Being part of a huge, lumbering, mammoth, inefficient school district, I occasionally have to attend trainings which seem virtually pointless. I had to do this recently. While there, someone corrected my drawing of a multiplication array.

I drew this:
3 X 5

. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .

Her contention was that I should've drawn this:

3 X 5
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .

My assertion is that, due to multiplication's commutative property, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. So she pointed it out, and I kind of just went, "Yeah." Immediately afterward, I had a sinking sensation that because this training will have other sessions and I will most certainly encounter this woman later on, that this will become a Larry David-like moment, and that a second of rudeness will punish me on and on in the not-so-distant future. Which is why I love Curb Your Enthusiasm so damn much -- I feel a certain solidarity with Larry David's fictional? self.

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Physical bodies are gross... everyone has a thoracic duct, an alimentary canal. We are compelled to eat the dead flesh of other formerly living things to survive. It just gets gross if I think too much about it. Hence the nature of this blog -- overthinking things that are unchangeable and pointless to think of even in the first place.

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[Apologies to LBB for jumping his train a bit; however, none of these merited a full posting, I didn't think.]

6 comments:

random moments said...

I don't know how you do it anyway. I went into a Starbucks once and had to ask "What does this mean?" three times while reading their extensive menu. Eventually I just kept backing up until I found myself rocking slowly, arms wrapped around myself in a corner.

Ari said...

RM: Next time just barge in and order in a (seemingly)ignorant, loud Texas accent, "I'll have a large coffee please!!" Then ignore any strange looks and spend that moment thanking the Lord for the hot, delicious bean juice you are about to receive.

BrideOfPorkins said...

I am Italian-ish and can't pronounce anything in Italian. I pronounce many things with the wrong accents as a result of growing up without the speaking dictionary. It took me 30 years to figure out CIC-AY-DA. I'm not proud.

Oh, and this:

http://www.dieselsweeties.com/lj/asimo-venti.jpg

I like ............... myself. It's like, if I had the balls (and was there) to say to the woman who corrected your array, "I am thinking about how much I care. Really."

Lance Manion said...

I'd have drawn your array too. 3x5 suggests drawing a three dot element five times, ergo 3 times five. Her drawing would suggest five times three.

Ari said...

LM: YES. My array exactly!

Ari said...

BOP: I LOVE THAT!!

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