Alright, it's me (and some of my friends).
Seriously, though if you have ANYTHING you need edited or written (menus, articles, resumes, love letters, novels, backs of cereal boxes), send it my way, and I'll take care of it for you, for a nominal (or greater than nominal) fee.
Despite the merciless poetic license and abuse taken by and with the English language in this screed, I do have a piece of paper on my wall that says I CAN do it for pay. Be grammatically correct, I mean.
So here it is.
Seek us at a time of deep need.
Our wordsmithing shall lead you out of the fortress of linguistic doom and into the sun.