Monday, June 27, 2005

Being as it's about Flag Time....

please do yourself a favor and read
The Anti-Flag Burning Amendment
My Pantaloons Have Been Disgraced
over at Wigwam Jones' place:
It says everything I wanna say about flag burning,
at least 29 times better.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Yahoo Mess... iah

This just in from some random chat guy on Yahoo:

"just like an angel you are, i see the eyes of GOD all over you, his blessings all around you and is favour just in every step you take. i see the Holy one of israel in your front leading you, and the KING of KINGs right behind you guiding you. He wil be there when you want him and right there when you need Him cos he made you for a purpose and this purpose you will live to acomplish and attain, Just because he lives."
Well, dude, one can only hope.
p.s. That art is a painting by a Danish artist called Asbjorn Lonvig. Which is certainly a cool name. Scope to see more.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Denouement (84 - 100)

Well, Manion's got a point. I suppose this is dragging on a bit. Here's the day's new mont.

84. Out of curiosity, I did a websearch for Arisnow. On Yahoo Messenger and a few other places, I use the screen name Arisnow8. Well, it turns out that Arisnow (without the 8) is some submissive slave chick into bdsm. I reckon I'm unique, just like everyone else. And apparently may get a whippin' from my master if I get too uppity. Even scarier? She fuckin' quoted Meat Loaf on her webpage.

85. My Texas accent isn't too bad, but it gets worse in proportion to who I'm around, how much country music I've listened to recently, and whether or not I'm riled up.

86. The 2 jobs I kick myself for not having are * TV and/or movie writer and * rock star.

87. I don't claim to make any sense, as it's not a requirement.

88. I will cry faster at kindness than disparagement.

89. Once, when I was 15, I flew out of the back of a van which rolled off the side of a cloverleaf turn on the highway. The doors had been chained shut and the van had a trailer attached. I gently somersaulted to a stop in the grass on the side of the road. There wasn't a scratch on me.

* - Dramatic reenactment. But pretty durn close to reality.

90. I love creme soda. But I won't marry it, as it's unconstitutional in my state.

91. Yesterday, I watered my bedroom carpet by leaving the window open as I was watering the back yard with my sprinkler.

92. Keeping things neat and tidy is something at which I have to work.

93. I can personally recommend diet root beer as a Jack Daniels mixer.

94. I once won a free Jay and Silent Bob t-shirt at Kevin Smith's Secret Stash.

95. Speaking of that, I met Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Smith's wife and lots of other folk from his films back in 2003. I have pictures, and an album, but they haven't yet met each other.

96. I've also met Whitesnake and Joe Satriani.

97. I feel an "in harmony with the earth"-style satisfaction each time I chuck an empty glass bottle, steel can, or plastic container into my recycle bin. One could say I enjoy recycling.

98. As a teenager, my boyfriend and I would drive around in a '77 Thunderbird, picking up aluminum cans to trade in for cash. It doesn't seem economically sound, but his dad paid for gas.

99. That Thunderbird was fun to drive. It still occupies a soft spot in my cold, dead heart.

100. I am now officially bored of my self-absorbed drivel.

Thank you for your time, attention, and accolades.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

It's All About Me, 62-83

:: Approaching the mike, I pause for applause. As the waves of accolades roll in, I smile and raise my hands... ::

"Please, please... I know you are all ready for the next installment of this popular feature, so without further ado, I give you... THING 62!!!"

:: And the crowd goes wild. ::

62. I have a vivid imagination, such that I can't watch many scary movies or read horrible news stories, because I will be recreating horrifying scenes later when I am home alone in the dark.

For example, this movie scared me. For days. Aliens behind corners. And it was pretty lame.

63. I am spatially challenged. My former roommates used to laugh at me because from their room they would periodically hear, !!WUMP!! "Fuck!" in the middle of the night. That was the sound of me running into the wall or the bathroom door. But I also whack my little toe or arm on the doorknob when I'm not half asleep. And I always leave a love dent on every car I own.

64. I listen to new CDs or songs over and over. And over and over.

65. The last CD I bought was Nine Inch Nails' "With Teeth."

66. I just paid $1,921.00 for 2 classes. I have to take 10 more. Did I forget I was poor?

67. I recently performed highly successful homegrown French Manicure fu on my own nails, thereby saving $22 or so.

68. Again with the spatial retardation: My direction sense is about as good as a compass that's been passed through a wood chipper, baked into a pie, and transmuted to another galaxy. If I went there once, I never went there. And even if I went there 10 times, if it's been more than 3 weeks, I never went there. I just don't know how to get there. This is among the things I hate about myself most, because it is a continual, lifelong annoyance.

69. So get GPS, you suggest. But I'm slightly paranoid, so GPS creeps me out.

70. I have read at least 15 books this year, probably more.

71. I have this uncanny ability to predict trends before they happen, but have never been able to harness this for material gain. One year, all I wanted was some silver nail polish. I searched everywhere, to no avail. Now it's everywhere.

72. Right this second, I am jamming out to "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult.

73. I am crazy in love with stripes. If something has stripes, it attracts my attention.

74. I have a striped shower curtain, and probably at least 10 shirts with stripes.

75. My other craze is bags, shoes, or wallets, etc. with contrasting stitching. Which is just sort of a variant of stripes.

76. I also love squares. Square cut gems on rings, square watch faces, square plates, squares stitched on my comforter, squares on my checks. You could say I'm a square girl.

77. If someone invented a square purse with stripes and contrasting stitching, I would probably get the vapors and then knock people down in my frenzy to purchase it.

78. I refuse to wear cheap perfume. The stuff from France is preferable, thank you. My favorite? L'Occitane's Green Tea.

79. I look best in low cut, v-neck shirts.

80. I wear black pants or shorts and black shoes 95% of the time. No make that 99% on the shoes.

81. I think that 75% of the clothes available for purchase in stores looks like someone threw up and they made it into a garment. Where does puke yellow fabric with avocado green and red lilies come from to make into shirts? It must be stopped, I tell you. People are buying this!

82. I seldom if ever wear blue jeans. They are hot, and I think they look fine on other people, just not on me.

83. Whataburger ketchup is my most beloved ketchup of all time. I will eat it straight if no one is looking.


Have I told you (all of you) lately that I love you?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

We Interrupt This Disparate Band of Posts

About me because I am drunk. Yes, right now I am. Do you think I'm NOT?

Well, I am. I guess that counts as thing # 61. Would you feel cheated if I used that as a post?

I repetitively repeat bullshit when I drink. Did you know? Well now you do.

"Just one more vodka cranberry," I was thinking.

I did not cotton to the near room-spinningness I would be courting when I had that 4th vodka cranberry beverage. Would it help to know that my people hail from the Emerald Isle? Would that excuse Tuesday Drunkenness?

Have a happy sleep time (or day time?), my much loved readers. More coherent blogposts to come.


"Spin around and fall down / do it again." -- Everclear

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Chose Soixante de Moi

60. As of today, I got accepted to grad school here:

Books, papers and beer bongs ahead!
(Ok, maybe not so much this time around.)

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Things 36 - 58 About Me

36. I don't smoke, but I will keep a pack of cigarettes around the house on occasion, to just spark one up when the urge strikes (once every few months).

37. I sometimes like a puff of a cigar too... just enjoy the smell and taste of the smoke. Maybe I'm part hobbit.

38. I do the above thing partly because I love the smell of a cigarette being lit.

39. Both my parents and two of my grandparents smoked, so maybe that's why.

40. My other grandmother dipped snuff. Yep, powdery brown stuff between the cheek and gum, necessitating intermittent spitting into the sink, a cup carried around, or the nearest corner spittoon.

41. In fact, I often say that if I hadn't been dating a hardcore against smoking person in my formative years, I would be a smoker today. On the upside of that, I won't get emphysema like my mom has. On the downside, I probably would be thinner.

42. I enjoy creme brulee, but not flan.

43. I HATE getting in trouble.

44. I understand that if I do not complete the above requirements and fail to appear on the above set court date that a warrant for my arrest may be issued and that I will be liable for the balance of the fine/fees and the violation will be reported as a conviction on my driving record.

45. I am cooking spaghetti as I type this.

46. I learned a spaghetti-cooking tip from the Sopranos, which is: add about a tablespoon of butter and a spoonful of sauce to the drained, cooked noodles and stir, before adding the rest of the sauce to the drained, cooked noodles. It just gives this yummy background creaminess to the whole affair.

47. I'm starting to think that Modest Mouse may be badass for other reasons besides that "Float On" song (in particular for a song called "Heart Cooks Brain").

48. I am a great editor and can be grammatically anal, but I make full use of my poetic license to invent words and such. Flanflapulous, for example. Been saying that sarcastically to myself when I see something that isn't quite fabulous. But nobody knows that but you. See that? I just began a sentence with a conjunction. Let's get off this screeching-on-the-red-hot-tracks train of inconsistency, shall we?

49. I am somewhat deathly pale.

50. However, this year, I have a farmer's tan.

50a. Google Images brought this up under farmer's tan. Farmer Tan perhaps?
51. I possess an ability to just pretend something didn't happen or someone doesn't exist. Auto-denial, it might be named. I dunno.

52. My alignment in life and in most rpgs is chaotic good.

53. On average, I say "I love you" to my pup five or more times a day. Also, I sing to him.

54. I want Ozzy Osbourne's "See You On The Other Side" to be played at my funeral.

55. Cremation's the option I'm 80% sure I want for my mortal coil. When I mention that to my mom though, she bitches at me about it.

56. My first rock concert was Journey, at age 12.

57. I've seen so many dozens of shows since that time that sometimes I can't recall if I saw a particular band or not. Iron Maiden, for example. Just not sure.

58. I am wearing panties with little moons and stars on them today, a promise of the celestial wonders within, I assume.

59. I was just about to wrap this when I remembered that I promised a bizarre meeting of my Deadwood/Meat Loaf obsessions. The other day I purchased a film (on VHS, for $5.55) called Meat Loaf: To Hell and Back. How does this connect with Deadwood, you may ask? The title role of Meat was played by W. Earl Brown, aka Dan Dority on Deadwood. I also managed to purchase 3 other Meat Loaf related items. No, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Aren't all blogs just "X Number of Things About Me?" where X is a variable = to the number of posts?

You people know that I love you, don't you? :)


"The sparkle in your eyes / keeps me alive." -- The Cult

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Indeterminate number of things about me

In the grand tradition of many other blogs, I have decided to do one of those "100 things" things. This project commenced during a work training class. However, my brain activity slowed to autonomic functions only for a time, and I didn't quite reach 100, owing to using all my remaining faculties to stave off a boredom-induced torpor. Now, on to the things!!

1. I firmly believe that Meat Loaf rocks. AND, as if that wasn't enough, he's from Dallas, too.

2. I think humans and animals are similar in more ways than commonly suspected. Ditto children and adults.
3. I detest wastes of my time more with each passing moment of my dwindling life.
4. I am over 30, but under 40.
5. Oft times, I do as little as possible.
6. Not too long ago, I nearly got into a fistfight with a brusque, heavyweight cashier woman because I refused to change checkout lanes from express to a regular lane midpurchase. Because I'm heavyweight and brusque too, it might have been a comical battle to watch.
7. I still remember her name.

8. I believe in reincarnation, but I don't think you necessarily have to return to this sector of the multiverse next go round.
9. I average 1 speeding ticket per year.
10. I have taken defensive driving at least 5 times, and have thrown hundreds of dollars down the municipal toilet.
11. I still speed.

12. I am a native Texan.
13. I once worked for AOL as an entertainment writer, and I still have some reviews up online.
14. I piss away money on serial speeding offenses while pretending it doesn't matter, yet I won't pay more than $2.99 for a 12-pack of Coke.
15. My love of country music and all things cowboy (including slight habits of demeanor in certain men I find sexy) has increased dramatically in recent years.
16. I mentally keep score. For example, if I've been working a lot of overtime, I don't feel bad calling in sick one day, because I'm ahead. But if I came in late last week, I'm behind, so I can't. It's all about give and take, see?
17. In the world at large, I am above average in geekness (IQ, computer knowledge, D&D games played, number of fantasy novels read), but among people I know, I'm at the low end of the spectrum.

18. I sing in my car.
19. I can do a believable British accent.
20. I'm a pseudo-Buddhist.
21. I think that sometimes, there's nothing for it but another vodka cherry sour.
22. The more I drink, the more I sing.
23. I am a no class, deep down fool. And I will always be that way. No wait, file that under things about Rivers Cuomo.
24. I waver between snobbery and vulgarity a good deal of the time.
25. Last month, I turned my hair green. It was supposed to be Ash Blonde. This took an entire day to fix. AND I had a date that night. So in hair color box-speak, ash = green.
26. Even though my mom is a beautician, I cut my own hair.
27. I would relish the opportunity to live as a rock star for 1 week, especially if it involved a sexual encounter with Trent Reznor.

28. My love of all songs Radiohead has increased in the past month ("there are 2 colours in my head").
29. I cannot eat fewer than 4 Keebler Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies at a time.

30. I have had to leave the room when an old person was speaking before, because something about their way of speaking sometimes cracks me up a LOT.
31. I've been camping alone before, in Broken Bow, Oklahoma.
32. While there, I almost stepped on a water moccasin.

33. I have never mastered the art of the pullup.
34. I once wrote a shitty song.
35. I have sung "Closing Time" as the karaoke bar was closing on more than one occasion.

That's quite enough for now, I think. Thanks for reading! :)

Friday, June 03, 2005

Pimpin' >-|

Ok, if you are misanthropic, do not walk your dog at dusk.
For in Texas, this is when humans deem the temperature low enough to leave their pockets of air conditioning within the universe to venture out for walking excursions.
Particularly, the teen set.
So I'm walking my black puggy doggie and they ask, "What's his name?" and I say, "Pippin."
And they say, "PIMPIN?"
Gottdammit, NO!
So I correct them. Now why in God's green earth would a PUG be named PIMPIN'?? Maybe a Rottweiler. Or a Snoop type Doberman. Or a Pit Bull.
I'm tempted to say things like, "No, teens. This dog is a wackadoo. He would in no wise be in charge of many hos. He's no Al Swearengen, you see? Not a Cy Tolliver. Do you kids watch Deadwood? Nevermind. He's a goof among dogs. His purpose is to amuse. In no wise is he pimpin', understand?"
But I don't. So anyway, avoid duskwalking of pets if you have an ongoing bone to pick with most of humanity.

>-| - denotes BUI: Blogging Under the Influence
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