Dateless? Bored? Lame?
Just need to see a sharp contrast between other's patheticness and your own to make yourself feel better?
Consult the personals!
STEP ONE: Browse.
Check "legit" sites like match.com or Yahoo Personals, or, if you're just dirty-minded, more sex-oriented sites such as adultfriendfinder.com. This alone will either result in amusement, slight disgust, or both.
STEP TWO: Ridicule.
In choosing a potential date, don't ask yourself those tedious, standard-issue questions like, "Does he have a sense of humor?" "Does he have a good job?" "Does he want children?"
Instead, use these infinitely more realistic queries:
- Can I see myself blowing him?
- Will he grow/shave facial hair at my request?
- Does he play Dungeons and Dragons?
- Does he look like he has any odd fetishes? If yes, are they compatible with mine?
- Will he laugh or go flaccid at the sight of me naked?
- Can he operate a weedwhacker?
- Will he paint my toenails? With any skill?
- Is his voice reminiscent of Quentin Tarantino's?
- Does his picture show him standing amongst 3 or 4 trash-covered kitchen counters?
Of course, whether you want the answers to these questions to be "yes" or "no" depends completely on your personal preferences. I only hope this little public service announcement saves someone some time somewhere.
Personally, I have gotten so adept, that just asking myself "Can I see myself blowing him?" alone is a reliable predictor of compatibility.